


Pretty as a Car Crash

by Advocate_267



Category: Darkwing Duck (Cartoon 1991)
Genre: Birds of Prey AU, Drug Use, M/M, Violence, kind of, prison break - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:54:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27193384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Advocate_267/pseuds/Advocate_267
Summary: Quackerjack breaks Megavolt out of prison, Birds of Prey style.
Relationships: Megavolt/Quackerjack (Disney)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18





	Pretty as a Car Crash

**Author's Note:**

> Continuing with this AU because I love it. Also I'm no that good at writing action/fighting scenes so really this was just an excuse to practise.

Heels clicked on the floor of the police station as a duck in a trench coat and hat approached the main desk. He reached over the threshold, tapping the little bell to get the officer's attention. 

He looked up, eyeing the duck warily. “Can I help you?”

“Why yes, yes you can,” the duck said in an exaggerated British accent. “I’d like to report a terrible crime.” He lifted down his sunglasses to wink at the officer. 

“And what terrible crime is that?” 

The duck smirked. 

“This one!” 

His trench coat and hat were thrown off, revealing the villainous Quackerjack. Before the officer could alert security the mad toy maker had out his ‘fun gun’ and shot him square in the face with a beanbag projectile. It was enough to knock the officer out and allow Quackerjack access past to the next room. The duck giggled madly upon finding the way blocked by more officers, loading his gun gleefully. 

“Hi boys~” 

Those two were taken care of just as quickly with a few well-aimed shots. He spotted a group sitting around a table in an adjoining room, letting out a cheer.

“Meeting’s over!” 

The officers scattered as a canister of blue smoke exploded, obscuring their vision and causing more confusion. One managed to escape the smoke but was met with a deadly blast of confetti, sending him screaming to the ground.

Quackerjack’s laughter rang out as employees tried to get the jump on him, sending out another smoke canister, this one red, right into the chest of his attacker. The others were taken care of with swift kicks and smacks upside the head with the barrel of his gun. 

Emerging from the smoke Quackerjack continued down the corridor towards his destination. He was met with more resistance, not that the mad mallard minded. After whacking one officer in the crotch and rendering him helpless he turned to find another attempting to flee his wrath. Quackerjack grinned, shoving another canister in his gun. 

“Run piggie, run!” 

It was a perfect hit, blood and confetti flying everywhere. Satisfied Quackerjack stepped into an office room, gun held up warningly in case anyone tried stopping him. 

That wasn’t an issue, the people inside looked absolutely terrified, holding their arms up in surrender. For fun Quackerjack shot one anyway. He approached another, an odd seriousness in his voice.

“Where can I find Megavolt?”

He pointed down the hall, voice wavering. “C-cell seven.”

Quackerjack stared him down, just to cause the officer more discomfort, and pulled the key card off his chest. The jester flashed him a winning smile.

“Thanks doll, you’re a peach.” 

With that he turned on his heel, heading to said cell block. Once he found it he kicked in the door, taking care of the two guards inside with some paint bombs. Putting his gun aside Quackerjack looked over the control panel, flicking a few switches in hopes that would open the entrance to the cells. 

It didn’t, and after a few more careful tries in frustration the duck began banging his fists on the consol. That seemed to do the trick, access granted with a  _ beep.  _ Quackerjack smirked, heading into the cell block. 

“Perfect.” 

Unfortunately he’d also caused the sprinklers to malfunction. Quackerjack frowned at the water seeping into his costume but kept his cool, wandering past the cells in search of his Megsy. 

The residents of the prison didn’t seem all too happy to see him, many of them people Quackerjack had pissed off in the past. He avoided their gazes and shouts of abuse, letting out a delighted squeal when arriving at the furthest cell.

“Megsy!”

Megavolt looked completely miserable, curled up in the corner and soaking wet. He wasn’t able to short out due to all his power being drained but that didn’t make the experience any happier. The rat perked up instantly at Quackerjack’s voice, rushing to the front of the cell.

“Quacky!” he beamed, reaching his hands through the bars. “You came for me!”

“Of course I did.” Quackerjack took Megavolt’s hands in his, rubbing the villain’s bare knuckles. “Don’t you worry, I’ll have you out in-“

Their sweet reunion was cut short as the cell door suddenly opened. Quackerjack looked around, noticing all the other cells had also been unlocked, allowing the angry inmates out. They stalked towards him, revenge clear in their eyes.

Quackerjack sighed, holding his finger up to Megavolt.

“One sec.” 

The crazy duck leapt into action again. With all his canisters gone he had to rely on gymnastic skills alone. That didn’t seem to phase him at all and Megavolt watched in wonder as Quackerjack kicked and flipped and beat his way to victory. 

The thugs were tough, but Quackerjack was tough  _ and  _ insane. He used the setting to his advantage, swinging on the cell doors and smashing the heads of his attackers against the metal bars. 

“C’mon,” Once all the thugs were taken care of Quackerjack returned to Megavolt, holding out his hand. Megavolt took it, the pair locking eyes for a moment. The rat would have kissed his partner there and then but they had to hurry, Quackerjack pulling him out the nearest door.

They entered what appeared to be the evidence room. The pair hurried across the warehouse-like space, hoping to find the exit. They turned a corner, suddenly face to face with another group of thugs. Quackerjack shot them a confused look. 

“Who the hell are you guys?” 

The group’s answer was to let loose fire. Quackerjack quickly tugged Megavolt down an aisle and out of harm's way. They came to rest against one of the shelving units, panting.

Quackerjack turned to Megavolt, putting his hands on his shoulders.

“You go and find the exit, I’ll distract those buffoons.”

With his electricity drained and body weakened Megavolt was in no condition to fight. The rat wanted to protest but did as Quackerjack said, slinking off in the opposite direction to the thugs. They were approaching fast and Quackerjack scanned the shelves for something, anything, to aid the fight. 

His eyes lit up upon landing on a pristine baseball bat. 

“Ooooh, it’s playtime!” 

Swinging the bat around in one hand Quackerjack threw himself into the fight, mercilessly bringing the bat down upon the skulls of the three thugs currently trying to apprehend him. One managed to get a hold on him but Quackerjack was quicker, breaking free with a hard jab to the leg. 

The duck fled, hoping to catch up with Volt. As he rounded a corner more thugs were waiting, guns poised. Quackerjack dived, taking refuge behind a large stack of confiscated cocaine. 

He ducked his head as gunfire sounded around him. As the thugs shot at his temporary cover a fine white mist began raining down on the jester. Quackerjack breathed in, unintentionally inhaling a good amount of coke. 

“ _ Mmm _ .” 

With a lull in the gunfire as the thugs took a moment to reload Quackerjack leapt from his hiding place. He grabbed one of the unsplit bags of coke and like a fastball batted it in their direction. It stuck one and burst upon contact, distracting them enough for him to get close and take them out. 

One got a bit too cocky, swinging at Quackerjack with some fancy legwork. The duck’s answer to that was to simply take out his knees with two well-timed strikes. The guy’s groans of pain were a nice touch too. 

Quackerjack turned,  _ finally  _ ready to go find Megavolt, when he bumped into the chest of a huge hyena. The thug wasted no time in grabbing Quackerjack around the throat and lobbing his bat out of reach. He slammed the duck against the nearest shelf, fist clenching tighter around his neck.

Megavolt watched in horror from where he’d been hiding on the lowest shelf. He fumbled among the debris on the ground, trying to find anything to help Quacky. His hand closed around a lighter. 

“Quackerjack!” 

Volt threw the lighter up, Quackerjack managing to catch it. He wasted no time flicking it on and shoving it in the hyena’s face. The thug screeched as his fur caught fire, grip immediately loosening, allowing Quackerjack to slip free.

“You okay, Megsy?” He asked his ratty companion once they were both standing, more concerned for him than the bruise that was undoubtedly forming on his neck. 

“I think so, but, uh…” Volt was staring at a phone dropped by one of the thugs. Quackerjack picked it up, reading over the reward offer under a photo of Megavolt’s mug. His face turned furious. 

“That no good-“

“You!” A side door suddenly burst open, another mallard clutching a gun rushing in. He stood a good distance from the pair, levelling his gun at them. 

Quackerjack narrowed his eyes, protectively stepping in front of Megavolt. “ _ You!” _

It was the horrible masked mallard, Darkwing Duck, the reason Megavolt was in here in the first place. He didn’t look too happy at them attempting to break out.

“Step away from the rat.” He said with an edge to his voice. Quackerjack didn’t budge, still clutching the phone in one hand. Darkwing noticed. 

“Drop it!” 

“The phone.” Quackerjack looked at the little device, a cheeky smile alighting his features. “Sure.” 

In one fluid movement Quackerjack tossed the phone and launched into a somersault, kicking it directly at Darkwing. It smashed into the duck’s face hard enough to knock him clean out, taking care of that little problem.

“Quacky!” 

Immediately Quackerjack found himself in the arms of his companion, an overjoyed Megavolt hugging him tight. The jester hugged back, glad the pair were finally allowed to enjoy their moment. 

“You were amazing back there.” Megavolt gushed, nuzzling Quackerjack’s sore neck. 

“Couldn’t have done it without your help, Megsy.” Quackerjack replied. He popped a quick kiss on the rat’s cheek before breaking apart. “Now, what do you say we blow this place?”

“Yeah! But, uh, how? I don’t think we’ll make it far on foot.” 

Quackerjack’s eyes landed on a minivan parked near where Darkwing lay. 

“I’ve got an idea…”


End file.
